Bad news is no fun to deliver. As a result, we usually procrastinate, sometimes indefinitely. We might tolerate a longstanding, but mediocre, vendor instead of giving the contract to another company, we sometimes hold on to an employee who everyone knows would be a better fit somewhere else, and we may hang around in a problematic personal relationship longer than we should. These delays usually just postpone the inevitable. Meanwhile, the underlying problem persists and sometimes gets worse.
While there’s no magic potion to make delivering bad news enjoyable, four tips can help you deal with these conversations more successfully:
- Determine your core message. Your core message is obvious when you’re giving bad news: it’s the thing you don’t want to say. “We’re switching vendors.” “We have to let you go.” “We should stop seeing each other.” The message you’ve been avoiding is the message you need to deliver.
- Don’t get talked out of your core message. When giving bad news, you’re not negotiating, fact-finding, or gathering additional input. Resist the temptation to get pushed, cajoled, or charmed off your message. Deliver it here and now.
- Add a brief explanation, if you like. Although clearly delivering your core message is the most important part of a bad-news conversation, you can also include a brief explanation. “We have to let you go because we’re bringing on someone with a different skill set.” “We’re switching vendors because we need different service schedules.” “I think we should stop seeing each other because we’re both miserable.” Like these examples, strive to state your core message and optional explanation in one sentence. You can repeat variants of your message and explanation if you want to say more, but don’t add new information when you talk or you may encourage a drift away from your core message.
- Get out of the conversation. If you’ve communicated your core message and the other person understands, it’s probably acceptable to start thinking about an exit. Naturally, you should address any obvious questions (like “Do we keep making deliveries this week?” “When’s my last day?” “Who keeps the cat?”), but be wary of answering too many speculative or probing questions. Your core message pretty much speaks for itself, and a great deal of unnecessary damage is often done when we overstay a difficult conversation.
When it’s time to deliver bad news, don’t get pushed off of your core message. Be clear, be concise, and be gone.
Originally posted on mouthpeaceconsulting.com.