There are many different types of difficult communicators. Some people talk too much or too little; some people are stubborn, quick to anger, or overly sensitive; and other people are unpredictable, highly critical, or condescending. Regardless of the type, difficult people make for some of our most frustrating interactions. And wherever frustration lurks, the potential for conversational escalation and relational damage increases significantly.
You probably already avoid conversations with difficult people when you can. But what are the best ways to have strategic (that is, goal-directed) conversations with the difficult people in your life who you either have to or want to interact with? Five suggestions—which can be remembered by the acronym TEACH—will give your interactions with difficult people the best chance of success, while simultaneously protecting against relational harm.
T. Tangents are unhelpful. In strategic conversations, stay focused on your conversational goal. Don’t open up extraneous lines of conversation because unnecessary diversions increase your exposure to a challenging conversation that has the potential to throw off problems.
E. Exit quickly. Get out of a conversation with a difficult person as soon as your conversational goal has been fully or partially met, or when the conversation has reached a stalemate. If a difficult person initiates a conversation, actively contain throughout the conversation and look for a good opportunity to exit.
A. Audiences are counterproductive. Have conversations with difficult people one-on-one whenever possible (including in online correspondence). Adding people to a difficult conversation increases the uncertainty, adds complexity, opens the door for unhelpful behaviors like showing off for the crowd, and raises the risk that the difficult person’s behavior will contaminate the group.
C. Context matters. Remember that the underlying relationship is more important that any single conversation, and don’t let frustration, anger, or any other negative emotion degrade your judgment. Don’t make a tough situation worse than it is by obsessing about the difficult person.
H. Halve your expectations. Lower your expectations by half when you are communicating with a difficult person. Conversational failure is common with difficult people, and unrealistic goals will cause you unnecessary heartache. Have one clear, modest goal when you initiate a strategic conversation with a difficult person, and be willing to try different approaches if what you are doing isn’t working.
Originally posted on mouthpeaceconsulting.com.