Sometimes people ask for our advice on big, consequential decisions like quitting their job, going back to school, getting married, buying a house, or starting up a business. In these cases, it’s often preferable to help people think through the big decision without definitively shaping the outcome. They have to live with the result, so it makes sense to let them choose without undue influence.
These six steps will allow you to remain neutral while helping someone think through a major decision.
1. Ask your conversational partner to identify potential courses of action. If you think he is omitting some alternatives, add them to the discussion but explicitly point out that you are not recommending a particular route. It’s important for the other person to know from the outset that you’re going to remain neutral. Make sure there are multiple courses of action available for discussion before leaving this step.
2. Ask questions. Ask him to evaluate the pros and cons of each option. Add your knowledge and experience, if any, but don’t take a clear stand. At this step, help your conversational partner think through the consequences of each course of action. Some initial conclusions might begin to emerge at this point (for example, I don’t have enough money to quit my job right now; I don’t want to move out of Texas; I’m anxious to start this business).
3. Evaluate what’s happening at this point in the conversation: Is one course of action emerging as a better option than the others? Is additional information needed to properly evaluate a particular alternative?
4. Once your conversational partner seems to be favoring a particular course of action, ask him to develop it more fully. Jointly analyze the pros and cons of the favored course of action in as much detail as you can.
5. If the conversation doesn’t lead to a decision, suggest to your conversational partner that he might want to gather additional information or spend more time thinking about the decision, and then return for more discussion. Restart the sequence at item #2 above when the conversation recommences.
6. Finally, if you want to remain neutral to the very end, don’t make a recommendation at any point in the conversation. You can say that you support the other person’s decision once he’s made it, but don’t render an opinion until the decision is made or you’ll surrender your right to remain neutral.
Originally posted on mouthpeaceconsulting.com.