Faulty questions comprise the fourth and final category of bad communication habits. The other three categories are conversation stoppers, bad listening habits, and habits that confuse or distract.
Questions are powerful communication tools that are frequently abused. Questions often degrade communication because we’re terrible questioners, but great cross-examiners. There are four common types of faulty questions.
Interrogating questions. Conversations shouldn’t make people feel like the authorities are breathing down their neck. To avoid sounding like an interrogator: (1) don’t ask too many questions in a row, (2) don’t get too personal or too probing with your questions, and (3) offer at least a modicum of sharing in the conversation. Monitor the rate and nature of your questions, and make sure you are providing material as well as extracting it from the conversation.
Loaded questions. Is this the best report you could produce? Are you still renting? Do any of your friends work? Are you still dating him? People hate loaded questions, because they are actually criticisms in a very poor disguise. You aren’t fooling anyone by sticking a question mark at the end of a criticism. Cut it out.
Leading questions. Don’t you think it’s a good idea to transfer Jim to Siberia? Wouldn’t it be nice if we took a cruise? Don’t you think we should visit my mother? Wouldn’t that sofa look great in our living room? Leading questions—where the “right” answer is clearly signaled in the question—insult your conversational partner’s intelligence. If you know what you want, make a case for it instead: Jim should be transferred to Siberia because…; I think we should take a cruise because…; We should visit my mother because…; I’d like to buy this sofa because…
Unanswerable questions. Here’s the thing: Questions are supposed to be answered, so if you really don’t want an answer, don’t ask a question. Unanswerable questions—also called rhetorical questions—will confuse half the people and be construed as a dare to answer by the other half. And people will often surprise you with their ability to creatively answer a question that was supposed to go unanswered. The rhetorical question: Why do I put up with this? Might generate the response: Because you can’t do any better! The question: What’s the point of talking to you? Might be answered: Don’t bother, I’m ignoring you anyway! Improve your conversations by leaving the rhetorical questions to Shakespeare.
Bad questioning habits often cause apprehension, anxiety, and mistrust in a conversation, and can lead your conversational partner to conclude that your questions aren’t fair. Pay attention to the kinds of questions you ask, and eliminate your bad questioning habits.
(Please note: You can find tips for asking good questions here, from our sister company’s site, MouthpeaceConsulting.com.)