Actions that confuse or otherwise distract people comprise the third category of bad communication habits. There are four primary sets of behaviors that add unhelpful doses of confusion and distraction to conversations.
Losing your focus. You will bewilder—and possibly annoy—the person you are talking to if you allow yourself to become diverted during a conversation. Common diversions include scanning incoming text messages or emails, answering a ringing phone, typing or texting during a conversation, or letting your eyes wander off frequently. Stay focused on the conversation at hand, because a loss of focus is highly contagious.
Having a disorganized message. Disjointed, tangent-laden conversations drive people crazy. It’s your job to help the other person understand what you are saying, so do your conversational partner—and your message—a favor and get organized before you start talking.
Overloading the conversation. Conversations can only handle a limited amount of information or emotional freight before they begin to fragment under the strain and confusion sets in. Fragmentation can happen in meetings and presentations when people are exposed to too much information in a relatively short period of time. When arguments fragment, it is usually from too much emotional material, although arguments can also fragment from too much information. Once conversations fragment—either from excessive information or excessive emotional material—it is almost always best to take a break and return to the conversation later. It is usually unproductive, but harmless, to remain in a meeting or a presentation after overload has set in, but don’t remain in an argument after it fractures. Continuing to argue once confusion takes hold can be especially harmful to the underlying relationship.
Quirky mannerisms. There are dozens of idiosyncratic behaviors that can distract people during a conversation. Examples include: awkward body movements like fidgeting, excessive gesturing, or bulging your eyes; distracting verbal tendencies like strange pausing between statements or habitual coughing or laughter; and repeating trite words or phrases like you know or like. The most effective way to find and correct your distracting mannerisms is to videotape yourself in a conversation. Most quirks can be extinguished when you make a conscious effort to stop them, so grab a video camera and get to it. Eliminating a distracting mannerism or two will help more of your conversations stay on track.