It’s conventional wisdom that venting (getting something off your chest) is an acceptable communication behavior. The reality about venting is more complicated.
1. Venting often enflames issues. Venting often exacerbates the very issues it was supposed to alleviate. Giving voice to your internal, and previously unexpressed, feelings about a difficult coworker or an aggressive boss increases the gravity of the issue. Things get more serious when we make the jump from thoughts to words.
2. Venting shifts some of the burden to someone else. People who care for us are impacted when we are upset. When I vent to my wife about a cantankerous client, she takes on some of my feelings. While this isn’t a major problem if I only vent occasionally, it’s important to note that venting is never cost-free. Venting transfers some of my sadness, agitation, or frustration to someone else.
3. Venting is often used as an excuse to say something damaging. Restraint protects relationships from damage, but venting is the opposite of restraint and is often used as a rationalization to say whatever we want. When our words escape unfiltered, damage and regret are likely outcomes. Venting is especially misguided when it’s directed at the person we’re upset with in the first place. In these cases, venting is really a passive-aggressive form of criticism.
Don’t attempt to disguise your true intentions by saying “I’m just venting.” Instead of venting, pick a more productive coping mechanism, like physical exercise, to let off some steam. Better yet, work on the underlying problem itself. If you really must get something off your chest, do it when no one else is around. Venting carries interpersonal consequences.
Originally posted on mouthpeaceconsulting.com.