Someone itching for a verbal confrontation will often find it extremely unappetizing when they are the only participant. Here are four ways to take the fight out of confrontational situations:
1. Use silence to your benefit. Silence is particularly useful at the start of an argument because it gives the other person conversational space to reconsider their words before too much damage has occurred. Let people surprise you with their ability to self-correct, and if they don’t…
2. Agree and apologize. Few things stop an argument faster than hearing the words “you’re right.” When your conversational partner is right, or when letting him be right won’t make much difference, agree with him instead of arguing. After your spouse confronts you about your tardiness in picking up the kids from school, say “You’re right; I should have been there on time. I’m sorry.” After a coworker’s initial complaint about a missed deadline, say “You’re right; I blew it. I apologize.” If agreement and apology don’t stop the argument…
3. Let them talk without any challenges. Sometimes people just need to complain about us a little bit. The fact is we are occasionally late to pick up the kids and we do sometimes miss deadlines at work. A little complaining probably won’t damage our relationship, but conversational escalation will. It takes two people to escalate a conversation, so withhold your participation and don’t add any new negative emotional comments. Let the other person do the talking. If that doesn’t work…
4. Reschedule the conversation. A great deal of relational damage is caused by spur-of-the-moment arguments. Scheduling a time to talk about a contentious issue is a smart and powerful communication technique because it prevents spontaneous emotional conversations. Ask if you can pick up the conversation tomorrow, after you’ve had a chance to sleep on it, or request a short delay if you can’t reschedule it. Delaying a conversation, even for a few minutes, gives everyone a chance to cool down and should lower the intensity level.
Be the person who takes the fight out of contentious situations. It takes two to tangle, but only one to protect a relationship.
Originally posted on mouthpeaceconsulting.com.