Few things stop conversations faster than telling people they’re wrong. Phrases like “That’s not right,” “That didn’t happen,” or “You’re wrong” should be reserved for only the most essential of corrections, like a critical work or home inaccuracy that must be addressed. However, we’re quick to throw around these phrases in our conversations, even though most of our corrections are reflexive, unnecessary, and unappreciated.
Three tips will help you break the counterproductive contradiction habit:
1. Squash the urge to contradict. Many corrections spring from a feeling that we need to do something about an inaccuracy. In reality, most conversational mistakes and inaccuracies are trivial. Who cares that Uncle Billy thinks the Cowboys are in the AFC? Does it really matter that your coworker is saying a meeting happened a few Wednesdays ago, when you know that the meeting really took place on a Thursday? And will it kill you to let your spouse talk about how much she enjoyed your trip to Disneyland, even though you actually went to Disneyworld? Identify the contradictory feeling when it wells up inside you, and then sit on it. You can always Google the inaccuracy later—when you’re alone—to gratify your urge to be right.
2. Use tactful questions to resolve important inaccuracies. When an error matters—like when the meeting is next Thursday, but your coworker keeps saying it’s on Wednesday—use tactful questions instead of declarative statements to resolve the issue: “I might be wrong about this, but I think the meeting’s on a Thursday. Perhaps we should double-check the company calendar?”
3. Apologize when you come up short. When you fail to control your urge to contradict, apologize for the unnecessary correction and either restart or exit the conversation.
Purging your tendency to contradict will take some time and effort, but your relationships will benefit when you finally break the habit.
Originally posted on mouthpeaceconsulting.com.