The hardest communication behavior of all is to hold our tongue when we know that we’re “right” about something. But this restraint is what often separates good communicators from great ones. Great communicators don’t let the craving to be right in a conversation come at the expense of their underlying relationships.
Here are three cases when pointing out that we’re right often causes relational damage:
1. When we yield to the temptation to say I told you so. Few phrases are as counterproductive as I told you so. These words are universally despised and also completely unnecessary. Your conversational partner is well aware that you told him so without you needing to say a word, so don’t. Expunge this unhelpful and useless phrase from your vocabulary.
2. When we unnecessarily point out someone else’s mistakes. Most of us are guilty of drawing way too much attention to the small mistakes, inconsequential reasoning errors, forgetfulness, and other conversational missteps that are endemic to human communication. This propensity to criticize others can cost our relationships dearly. Lighten up and ignore trivial errors. People don’t appreciate a real time accounting of their faults.
3. When we offer the right answer at the wrong time. We mistakenly assume that our conversational partner is ready to embrace our insights or solutions the moment we have them. In reality, two (or more) people usually perceive a problem and are open to a remedy at different times. Good bosses, parents, consultants, spouses, and friends know that getting too far ahead of someone else’s thought process is a recipe for ineffective and frustrating communication. Astute communicators routinely sit on their answers until the other person is ready to hear them.
Something that’s technically right in a conversation, but wrong for a relationship is actually wrong for the conversation as well. It’s an enormous communication challenge to exercise restraint in these cases, but our underlying relationships benefit greatly when we do.
Originally posted on mouthpeaceconsulting.com.