Not all conversations have a point, but when they do, tangents can cause major trouble. Tangents are topics or lines of inquiry that are unrelated to the discussion’s purpose or to your underlying conversational goal. For example, if you are trying to convince a coworker to ask fewer questions during meetings, bringing up his shaky presentation skills is a tangent. If you are arguing with your significant other about where to spend the holidays, bringing up your daughter’s low grade on a calculus test is a tangent.
Conversational tangents cause trouble for four primary reasons.
- Tangents detract and divert attention from your conversational goal. Tangents move you away from your goal and beckon people to follow. But if you follow the outlying trail too far, you may lose your way back to your underlying goal. Focus is a precious commodity in any conversation; when you have someone’s attention, don’t let tangents get in the way.
- Tangents often degrade the quality of an interaction. Disconnected and unrelated topics often make people feel like their ideas are being ignored or rejected, or make them perceive that the person who introduced the tangent isn’t paying attention or is forcing a change of topic. Perceptions like this can easily lead to a damaging conversational escalation or to an abrupt exit from the interaction.
- Tangents contribute to overload. Have you ever been in an argument, a meeting, or a conversation that covered so much ground (or went on for so long) that you started having trouble remembering what the discussion was about in the first place? That’s conversational overload. There’s only so much information and emotion that can go into a conversation before people lose their ability to understand, and tangents bring you one unnecessary step closer to that condition. Focused discussions that aren’t prolonged will help you avoid conversational overload.
- Tangents open doors that should remain shut. The worst outcome of a tangent is the potential to introduce a topic that was previously off-limits. For example, an argument with your spouse about money might lead to a tangential comment about the irresponsibility of your in-laws. Or, during a heated discussion with your colleague Jim about his weekly customer report, you tell him that people in the office think he’s stubborn and inconsiderate. Tangents like this breach the layer of civility that protects most of our interactions, and will almost certainly cause a conversational escalation. When emotions flare up, people recalibrate their expectations about what’s fair game in a discussion, often leading to regrettable and damaging words. Containment is your communication response to any tangent that results in an escalation. When a tangent doesn’t escalate matters, either ignore the tangent, redirect back to your main point, or exit the conversation.
If your conversation matters, avoid tangents. Tangents spell trouble for your conversational goals.
Originally posted on mouthpeaceconsulting.com.