The temptress of the digital age is quick, cheap, and easy communication. Left behind—widely derided and profoundly unappreciated—is the frumpy and old-fashioned stepsister named preparation.
The temptress has been living it up for years, while her boring stepsister has been chronically ignored. After all, what could be more out of step with the digital era than preparingto communicate?
But the temptress’s shoot-from-the-hip mentality can lead to a terrible communication habit: Failure to prepare for important conversations. Far too often, we are guilty of winging it through some of the most pivotal conversations of our lives.
Conversations vary in how consequential they are. High-consequence situations include communicating bad news at home or at work, asking for a raise or a new work assignment, seeking a compromise with siblings about how to care for an elderly parent, reaching out to a family member in a time of dire need, or reestablishing connections with a difficult teenage child. You might only have conversations this weighty a few times a year, but the relational stakes are high every time.
Less consequential, but still important, conversations occur almost daily. They include situations like convincing a spouse that a vacation in Hawaii is preferable to visiting the in-laws, asking a coworker to edit a report one more time, convincing a relative to visit for a weekend, or asking the boss for a few more days to finish up a project. All strategic conversations—that is, conversations where you are trying to accomplish something—benefit from preparation.
I can attest to the trouble caused by meager or nonexistent preparation. A disproportionate number of my phone consultations occur aftersomeone has failed to prepare for an important conversation, and I help them try to patch up the damage. The frumpy stepsister looks better than ever immediately following one of the temptress’s communication disasters.
We like to think that communication solves problems. But only good communication can resolve problems. Hasty and ill-prepared communication usually makes things worse, and can often result in more problems at the end of the conversation than before it started.
You can’t turn back the clock on a damaging conversation. You will trip over the remnants of conversations gone wrong in your future interactions, and as you stumble over these old but unforgotten conversations, what you are trying to accomplish will slip a bit further from your grasp.
Next week, we will cover smart ways to prepare for important conversations.
If the conversation matters, prepare for it. Shooting from the hip only works in the movies.