This week I had a long phone conversation with an old friend. We talked about what was going on at work. We talked about our spouses. I asked about his parents and he asked about mine. There was no big news to share, and we didn’t talk about anything controversial—or even noteworthy—during our twenty-minute call. The conversation was unremarkable and routine; you might even say it was boring. But that boring conversation was also enjoyable, meaningful, and vital for maintaining and strengthening the connection between the two of us.
Boring conversations are important for three key reasons:
- Boring conversations build our relationships. We construct our relationships at work and at home through steady and dependable interactions over months and years, not through once-in-a-lifetime conversations that are filled with excitement, drama, and intrigue. A history of boring exchanges helps us develop resilient bonds with friends, family, and coworkers. Steady conversations, over time, build up the kinds of relationships we can count on.
- Boring conversations don’t blow up. It’s a mistake to think a boring conversation means that our interaction has underperformed or that an encounter hasn’t lived up to its potential. In fact, we appreciate conversations with no surprises, we like interactions that contain no unnecessary drama, we’re drawn to people who are reliable, and we value exchanges that are collaborative rather than antagonistic. Most conversations, it turns out, are exciting for all the wrong reasons.
- Boring conversations create protective relational buffers. We need some boring conversations as shock absorbers for the contentious conversations that inevitably arise in almost any relationship. A history of steady and dependable conversations safeguards our underlying relationships from the turbulence associated with interactions that are occasionally volatile.
Boring conversations are essential for building and protecting our most important relationships. Conversations that seem unremarkable turn out to be quite remarkable after all.
Question: When was the last time you had a conversation that was too exciting? How did it impact the underlying relationship? Please leave a comment to continue the discussion.
Originally posted on mouthpeaceconsulting.com.