Conversations are a lot like dancing. There is a natural rhythm both partners want to fall into, and the first steps are important but often awkward.
Many conversations start awkwardly because people are doing many things at once: learning about the other person, reducing their uncertainty about the interaction, and making and managing impressions. It’s difficult to do all of these things simultaneously, which is why awkwardness is common in initial interactions. Awkwardness is especially prevalent when we are meeting someone for the first time because there’s more to learn, more to manage, and more uncertainty to reduce.
Unfortunately, awkwardness is not trivial because it triggers an urge to abandon the conversation, thereby cementing an unfavorable impression. Even worse, awkwardness is self-perpetuating. Concerns about a conversation’s awkwardness heap another burden on your already overloaded mind, increasing the likelihood of more awkwardness.
The key to reducing initial awkwardness is to relax while the conversation finds its rhythm. As a rhythm emerges—usually a minute or so into an interaction—both people will gain confidence in the conversation and each other, which dramatically reduces the chance that someone ejects from the interaction.
Here are six tips for getting through initial conversational awkwardness and establishing a conversational rhythm.
- Relax. Don’t fixate on the awkwardness because obsessing about it is self-defeating.
- Resist the urge to abandon the conversation. Initial awkwardness will dissipate when a conversational rhythm emerges.
- Don’t worry about slips, mistakes, or verbal flubs at the beginning of conversations. Errors increase while a conversation is finding its footing.
- Pay attention to the conversation’s pace. Talk roughly as fast as your partner to encourage a rhythm to develop.
- Don’t dominate the conversation at the start, but don’t worry if your partner does. Jumping in on a talker will add jerkiness to the conversation.
- If a conversation still feels awkward after a minute or so, relax and give it another minute to smooth out. If a conversation remains awkward after that, consider heading for the exits, or greatly reducing your contributions (that is, stop talking) to encourage the interaction to wind down.
Originally posted on mouthpeaceconsulting.com.