With the holiday season officially kicked off, it’s worth considering what can separate holiday gatherings that are peaceful and enjoyable from those that are tense and conflict-ridden. The difference frequently comes down to how people approach conversations.
A healthy dose of conversational restraint, along with these six communication behaviors, can help your holiday gatherings be merry and bright:
1. Listen when people talk. Giving people your attention is a prerequisite for meaningful interaction. Note that letting people talk guarantees that you will spend more time listening than talking yourself.
2. Ignore conversational mistakes. Communication is fundamentally imperfect, so don’t make a big deal out of conversational errors, silly statements, and confusing interactions when they happen. Let mistakes go.
3. Laugh at all the jokes. Unless the joke is offensive, laugh whenever someone tries to be funny. Humor is difficult to pull off, so give people a break. Reward the intention (an attempt at holiday levity) instead of the outcome (a dud joke about mistletoe).
4. Don’t get drawn into an argument. The holidays are a terrible time for arguments. Everyone is off their routine, there is usually an audience present, and people often feel emotional (especially if they’ve been hitting the eggnog). Most holiday arguments don’t resolve a serious issue. They’re just escalations of minor grievances and low-grade personality conflicts that are ignored all year with virtually no negative consequences, so disregard these non-urgent issues at the holidays too. If you need to have a serious discussion, schedule it for the new year when people are back to their routines and there is less chance of collateral damage from having an audience around.
5. Let Uncle Billy have his beliefs. So what if Uncle Billy thinks he’s the best cook in the house? Who cares if Aunt Sarah’s political beliefs are completely different from yours? Does it really matter that Uncle Joe thinks the price of gold is too low, Cousin Betty thinks the stock market is rigged, and Jim’s wife thinks that nanotechnology will help us live forever? They aren’t going to change your mind about anything, so don‘t waste your time trying to change theirs.
6. Give people space when they need it. The holidays can be tiring, so let people withdraw to recharge when they need to. Let Uncle Joe watch some football, let Aunt Jane take a walk, and don’t sweat it when the kids find a quiet corner to be by themselves. They’ll come back when they’re reenergized.
This holiday season, give people the gift of a live-and-let-live conversational approach as embodied in the ideas above. Letting things go is a powerful way to generate interpersonal peace and goodwill, at the holidays and beyond.
Originally posted on mouthpeaceconsulting.com.