In last week’s entry, we debunked the first five myths that stand in the way of effective communication. This week, we poke holes in the last five dastardly communication myths.
Myth #6: Your strongest relationships can handle criticism.
Criticism, unkind words, and contradictions draw down some of the goodwill that you have banked in your relationships, damaging even your strongest ones slightly each time. Too many goodwill withdrawals can eventually cause your relational partner to stop giving you the benefit of the doubt and start scrutinizing your deficiencies, resulting in pervasive relational conflict. No relationship is immune to damage from criticism.
Myth #7: You’re doing someone a favor by giving them advice.
This myth is used to justify an enormous amount of unsolicited—and unappreciated—advice. Most of the “advice” that we want to dispense is really just criticism in disguise (consequently, see Myth #6 for another reason to quit giving unsolicited advice). Stop fooling yourself that your advice is doing someone a favor. Giving advice usually represents a shortsighted indulgence on your part.
Myth #8: Good communicators always know what to say.
There’s no reliable way to always know what to say because people are inherently unpredictable, and communication is fundamentally imperfect (that is, misunderstandings and errors can never be entirely eliminated). The only antidote to unpredictable people and imperfect communication is to pay close attention to a conversation’s changing tones. This will increase the likelihood that what you say—although it will never be perfect—will be relevant, and potentially even meaningful.
Myth #9: Your greatest communication achievements will be easy to spot.
The vast majority of your communication victories will be invisible, consisting of all the hurtful words that you choke back, all of the raging emotions that you stifle, and all of the damaging conversations that you steer clear of in the first place. These victories—invisible and unsung—will represent some of your greatest communication achievements.
Myth #10: Communication is primarily a means to an end.
Numerous studies of happiness and overall life satisfaction have determined that our closest relationships bring the most joy and fulfillment to our lives. Our relationships are built and maintained through communication. Communication isn’t just a tool to get what you want. Communication is the primary way that you create your life.