There are ten communication myths that jeopardize our development into smart, thoughtful communicators. Each myth requires dismantling for effective communication to flourish. We’ll debunk the first five myths this week, and the last five in next week’s entry.
Myth #1: There’s no need to worry about communication because we do it all the time.
This myth is the root cause of an astonishing behavior: We wing it through some of the most important conversations of our lives. Simple preparation to identify goals, uncover overlapping interests, and devise a good ending can help important conversations swing your way more often. If the conversation matters, prepare for it.
Myth #2: Communication can solve your problems.
Not all problems have communication solutions. Examples include intensely personal issues that don’t lend themselves to untrained dialog, issues that haven’t fully developed and therefore can’t be resolved until more details are known, and certain longstanding problems that require some redemptive action before talking can prove beneficial.
Myth #3: If we could only talk about it, things would get better.
In many cases, talking makes things worse because it crystallizes thoughts (which only exist in your head) into concrete statements that you and other people have to live with. Jumping into conversations before you and the other person are ready, allowing conversations to escalate, and failing to restrain counterproductive words are all common examples of communication that usually makes things worse.
Myth #4: Getting things off your chest is beneficial.
Getting something off your chest usually puts a monkey on your back. It is a longstanding myth that venting is good for you, but unfiltered, emotional words typically lead to harmful retaliation. Venting causes far more problems than the momentary burst of gratification is worth. Remember: The person in front of you is more important than the feeling inside of you.
Myth #5: Being yourself will help you communicate better.
It sounds so tempting—who doesn’t want to be authentic? But like free money, it’s too good to be true. The idea that you can just “be yourself” is hazardous because it is often used as an all-purpose justification for bad behavior. Poor communication is not a personality type, so tighten up your sloppy communication habits. Spend less time worrying about being authentic, and more time considering the impact of your words on other people. I’ve Gotta Be Me might be a catchy song, but it makes for a poor communication philosophy.