Slight modifications to your communication style can exert a major positive impact on your conversations in 2013. Dial back on five behaviors for more productive and meaningful communication in the year ahead.
1. Less rebutting. Most of us are guilty of actively forming counterarguments rather than listening when our conversational partner is talking. This is a bad communication habit because it makes the conversation seem like a competition and it prevents us from understanding what the other person is saying. The result is a lost opportunity for productive and meaningful dialog. Make 2013 the year you spend less time rebutting and more time listening, and watch your conversations quickly improve.
2. Less impulsiveness. Effective communicators don’t let what they want to say—which is highly influenced by constantly changing emotions—damage their underlying relationships. The person in front of you is more important than the feeling inside of you, and what you want to say is less important than the person you want to say it to. Exercise more conversational restraint and less verbal impulsiveness in the year ahead to protect your underlying relationships.
3. Less you. It’s difficult to move from a you-based communication perspective (what you want and feel) to a we-based perspective (what you both want and feel), but this shift will dramatically impact your conversations. In the new year, make it a habit to consider the other person’s perspective, needs, and desires when choosing and articulating your words. When people feel like what’s important to them is embedded in the conversation, meaningful dialog flows freely.
4. Less self-expression. Effective communication is about creating shared meaning, not about getting something off of your chest or using the interaction as a one-way broadcast of your beliefs and feelings. Spend less time telling people what you think in 2013 and focus more on what you can create together—like clarity where before there was confusion, or a truce where before there was discord—in your conversations.
5. Less convincing. People innately know the difference between someone who is trying to persuade them (which they often resist) and someone who is trying to understand them (which they find hard to resist). When you focus first on understanding instead of coaxing or pressing your conversational partner, it’s often much easier to achieve your conversational goal as multiple paths for a fruitful and mutually beneficial outcome emerge.
Scaling back slightly on the five behaviors above can significantly improve your conversations in the year ahead. Here’s to a 2013 that’s filled with productive and meaningful communication.
Originally posted on mouthpeaceconsulting.com.