It’s very easy to focus on our own words in an interaction as we try to say the right thing and get our message across. But an enormous amount of a conversation’s value comes from what the other person says. Encouraging someone to talk and keeping that input flowing are essential communication skills.
Here are four tips to encourage meaningful participation from your conversational partners:
1. Don’t finish their sentences (or paragraphs). Let people complete their thoughts without interruption, because people often need time to figure out what they want to say. Instead of jumping in to complete someone’s sentence, remember that grappling for meaning is a large part of what communication is for in the first place. Treat instances where you cut someone off as a conversational error.
2. Show that you are paying attention. It’s not enough to just listen. Your conversational partner also needs to see and believe that you are listening. Maintain appropriate eye contact (i.e. look at the other person without staring) and don’t try to multitask during the conversation. Few things shut down dialogue faster than glancing at a phone or a computer screen because it signals your disinterest.
3. Get used to saying um-hmm and I see. These phrases, and others like them (e.g. I understand, okay, and right) perform a useful balancing act: they demonstrate that you’re actively participating in a conversation without breaking the flow of the other person’s thoughts. Phrases like um-hmm and I see are frequently great conversational catalysts.
4. Ask what else should I know? Don’t let a meaningful conversation end without asking if there’s anything else your conversational partner wants to tell you or anything else you should know. A query like this—sometimes called a clearinghouse question—may yield additional information or bring forth a good summary, but the biggest benefit is that it sends the message that you value the other person’s input. And that message, when sent consistently, can start a virtuous cycle that sets your future conversations up for better dialogue and more positive outcomes.
Resist the urge to focus exclusively on your words during a conversation. Astute communicators help other people talk.
Originally posted on mouthpeaceconsulting.com.