A colleague unexpectedly pulled me aside to talk after a meeting last week. After a hesitant start and some nervous laughter, my coworker got to the point: he wanted to thank me for helping him think through a personal matter a few weeks earlier.
Thinking back on the conversation, I realized that although my colleague had appeared nervous, it was really me who wasn’t completely at ease. It’s harder than it seems to gracefully receive a compliment. We may misinterpret what’s happening and ruin the moment. We might discount the other person’s words out of a misplaced sense of humility. We can marginalize the compliment by one-upping it. We might switch topics too quickly because the compliment embarrasses us.
Compliments and other words of kindness are too important to squelch because they help us bond with another person. These three tips will help you gracefully accept words of appreciation:
1. Let them get it out. Don’t jump into a stumbling expression of thanks and try to make it “right.” Words of gratitude are often very important for the other person to convey. Give your conversational partner time to express her gratitude.
2. Replace “Aw, shucks” with “Thank you”. Humility is a virtue in most situations, but not when we’re on the receiving end of a compliment. Steer clear of phrases like “It was nothing”, “I really didn’t do anything special”, and “It was no big deal” because the other person’s perception of your actions—that you are marginalizing the compliment—can undermine the very rationale for the conversation. Say thanks instead and let the other person give you the full—and not the discounted—compliment.
3. Don’t manipulate the compliment. Resist the urge to twist a compliment intended for you into a laudatory discussion about the other person. “Well Jim, I appreciate your kind words, but the real story here is that you overcame adversity and triumphed in a very difficult situation.” Let the expression of thanks stand on its own.
Compliments and expressions of gratitude are more than just feel-good phrases. Words of kindness bring us closer together. It’s important to the other person—and to our relationships—that we know how to accept compliments gracefully.
Question: When’s the last time someone surprised you with a compliment? How did it make you feel? How did you respond? Please leave a comment to continue the discussion.
Originally posted on mouthpeaceconsulting.com.