It’s summertime in Austin, and you can hear crickets everywhere. The sound of crickets reminds me of how uncomfortable people often become when they (metaphorically) hear crickets in their conversations. Most people have a strong inclination to fill silence with words. That can be a big mistake because silence is golden and provides three major relational benefits.
1. Silence can be a shock absorber. A useful and occasionally vital property of silence is that it slows down conversations. Misunderstandings, hasty words, and confusion are frequent byproducts of the quick, cheap, and easy communication modes that proliferate in the digital age. Silence creates the time to consider what you just said, and clarify your words when necessary. A few moments of silence, nothing more than a simple pause, can often reduce misunderstandings and help people understand you.
2. Silence facilitates self-correction. One of the greatest gifts that we can provide to another person is the opportunity to self-correct when necessary. People have a profound ability to unwind their errors when given the time to do so, and silence provides that crucial space. Consider running the following experiment for the next week or two, and if it’s successful, continue it indefinitely. Instead of offering a response when your conversational partner says something ill-advised, hurtful, or just plain stupid, do nothing for a few moments and see what happens. When you give people the chance to self-correct, you may be pleasantly surprised with the number of people who take you up on it.
3. Silence can strengthen restraint. When a conversation triggers a negative emotion, silence expands the valuable ground between what you are feeling and what you actually say. For this reason, silence is an indispensable ally of conversational restraint, and an important safeguard against relational damage.
Now that you know what silence can do for you, here are three common situations when silence is golden:
1. When something doesn’t make sense. Fast, scattered conversations often lead to misunderstandings and confusion. When something makes you scratch your head and say “huh?” react with a few moments of silence to encourage an understanding to emerge in the conversation.
2. When you feel a negative emotion. A pause lasting only seconds can often make the difference between damaging, inflammatory words and a more thoughtful and considerate response. When you feel anger, frustration, anxiety, or any other negative emotion welling up inside you, pause for a few moments. The relationship you save will be one of your own.
3. When you hear something that you wish you hadn’t. Granting the other person an opportunity to self-correct with a moment of silence is a benevolent communication behavior. Good people say dumb things all the time, and your silence can provide them with a golden opportunity to get their heads back on straight.
When in doubt, don’t talk. Sometimes a silent pause is the best way to keep a conversation going.
Originally posted on http://mouthpeaceconsulting.com