Valentine’s Day may conjure up memories of doling out money on flowers, dinner, and chocolates in an attempt to make someone feel special. But the truth is that making someone feel special doesn’t have to cost money. A few words of kindness and a bit of your undivided attention are all that is required.
Words of Kindness
Valentine’s Day is a great excuse to share (verbal or written) words of kindness. Two ways to express kindness—compliments and gratitude—are widely appreciated and confer great interpersonal benefits.
Compliments are enormously powerful, and they can also be incredibly simple. Just saying “I’m glad you’re my Valentine” or “I love spending time with you” is often enough to make someone feel special. You can, of course, enhance the compliment, but don’t feel like you have to deliver a long Valentine’s Day monologue. When it comes to compliments, shorter is almost always better because it keeps the underlying message clear and because brevity usually prevents compliments from inducing awkwardness. A few words of kindness, sincerely delivered, can really make someone feel special.
As an added bonus, consider spreading your compliments around to people besides your sweetheart this Valentine’s Day. Call your parents, an aunt or an uncle, a lonely neighbor, or a shy child and say something kind. Spread some kindness throughout your network.
Another inexpensive but meaningful way to celebrate Valentine’s Day is to express gratitude to someone. Gratitude, widely studied in the field of positive psychology, confers multiple benefits. Chiefly, expressions of gratitude make both the sender and the receiver feel better, and reminds them of how much is right in their relationship.
A simple gratitude exercise (borrowed from the father of positive psychology, Martin Seligman) is to tell someone three things about him or her for which you are thankful. Here are three phrases you can use to get started:
- I like the way you…
- I’m thankful that you…
- I am grateful for your willingness to…
Your Undivided Attention
It is tempting—and easier in some ways—to buy things for your Valentine, but no amount of chocolate or no quantity of flowers will mean very much if you are just going through the motions. To make someone feel special, you also have to give a little bit of your time and your undivided attention. However you ultimately decide to celebrate Valentine’s Day, be fully present in the moment (translation: pull yourself away from the Internet and leave your phone in the other room).
It is a testament to the inherent power of a human connection that it only takes a few words of kindness and your attention to make someone’s day. Give yourself, your loved ones, and your friends something special this Valentine’ Day—say something kind and give them a bit of your undivided attention. Kind words and your undivided attention sparkle like diamonds, taste sweeter than chocolate, and best of all, are completely free.